Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Becoming Unstoppable!



You’ve heard the old saying “When the going gets tough, the tough getting going.” If you’re trying to get a job in the recovering economy, realize a long-held goal or dream, or simply evolve as a human being, there’s no better advice on persevering—or becoming unstoppable, in the parlance of motivational speaker Cynthia Kersey, president of Unstoppable Enterprises, Inc. (www.unstoppable.net). Although people typically think of unstoppable people as superhuman, Kersey has found through two decades of research that they’re just like everyone else. “They experience disappointment, rejection, and even failure,” she notes, “but they have the courage to take action toward their goal despite their circumstances or situation.”

According to Kersey, the unstoppable spirit—the one that propels us forward toward achieving our goals and forcing through barriers such as self-doubt and negativity—doesn’t need to be inborn. Luckily, this spirit can be cultivated. In fact, she’s identified seven characteristics of unstoppable people that she says anyone who has the will can find the way to develop. “The one common link among all unstoppable people is adversity—they struggled, tripped and stumbled, and had setbacks and failures, but they pulled themselves up and kept on going,” she writes in her book Unstoppable: 45 Powerful Stories of Perseverance and Triumph from People Just Like You (Sourcebooks). “The dream demanded their all and they gave it. With each trial, they emerged stronger, surer and more deserving of the dream itself.”

Here, then, Cynthia Kersey’s keys to becoming unstoppable.
• Devote yourself to your true purpose. Some know their purpose intuitively, while for others it takes some exploration. To discover your purpose in life, which relates to how you can be of service to others, think about how you want to be remembered after you die by your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, and even the world. Write out the qualities, deeds, and characteristics that you want to live on as your legacy. This exercise will help you home in on your true values, says Kersey, and how you want to spend your time.
• Follow your heart’s passion. Your purpose will lead you to seek out activities you love—to really experience the pleasure that life has to offer rather than just enduring your time on earth. Kersey, for instance, discovered that her purpose in life was to inspire others. She could have chosen to pursue all sorts of activities that allowed her to realize that purpose—from joining the Peace Corps to becoming a nun, a hospital volunteer, a hot-line counselor, or a teacher. After she assessed her natural strengths, likes, and dislikes, however, she decided the best route to achieving her purpose was to become an author and motivational speaker, a choice she was passionate about and that energized her to the core.
• Believe in yourself and your ideas. “Belief is a prerequisite to becoming unstoppable,” reports Kersey. This requires being able to keep going even when others say it can’t be done, or that you’re being irresponsible or unrealistic. “There are always going to be people who try to protect us from our unrealistic fantasies,” she says. “They’re not trying to be cruel. They just don’t see that possibility for themselves, so they can’t see it for you. But the only opinion about your dream that really counts is yours.”
• Prepare for challenges. Most people don’t have a plan of action for their lives, and end up pursuing things that aren’t in line with their purpose and passion—for instance, a boring but steady job they took just because it was all they thought was available to them. Instead, Kersey advises envisioning what you hope to achieve, determining the skills you’ll need to achieve that goal, and then creating a plan of action to achieve it. “From the greatest achievements to the most personal accomplishments, preparation is essential to success,” she says. As a side benefit, preparation also helps to neutralize fear, which can inhibit you from following your passion and purpose.
• Ask for help and build a support team. “Behind every great achiever is another achiever,” says Kersey, so look for people who can serve as role models, mentors, coaches and cheerleaders. Network for team members at your company, professional associations, nonprofit organizations, clubs, in your neighborhood, and among your family and friends. Hire other team members as necessary. For Sharon, who used Kersey’s unstoppable techniques to lose 40 lbs. and realize her life-long goal of getting to a manageable weight, her team consisted of a personal trainer and professional weight consultant. “The personal trainer helped keep me accountable,” she recalls. “If I didn’t show up for a session, she would call me up and ask why I didn’t make it into the gym that day.”
• Seek creative solutions to problems you encounter. Focus on creating a series of “unstoppable moments,” which taken together will lead to an unstoppable life, according to Kersey. For instance, if you want to lose weight like Sharon, such a moment might be choosing to eat a grapefruit instead of a Twinkie, or figuring out how to fit exercise into every day—perhaps by watching one less television show. Be flexible and take a step-by-step approach to problem-solving. “You start with a small step toward your goal everyday,” says Sharon, “and then you go beyond that”—putting yourself on the path to achievement.
• Persevere, no matter what the challenges. Continuing on with your goal no matter what the roadblocks you encounter is the true key to being unstoppable. Cultivate a long-term mentality toward your goal, accept failures as learning experiences and ultimately, you’ll find that “perseverance rewards,” says Kersey. There can be no better example of this concept than Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling, who kept writing the first book in the series (long-hand, since she couldn’t afford a typewriter or computer) even though everyone told her that getting a children’s book published was a pipe dream. As a single mother who was grief-stricken over the recent death of her mother and the break-up of her marriage, she could barely make ends meet, but she still spent every spare moment on the project. When the manuscript was finally done, it took her six years and 12 rejections to find a publisher. Today, of course, her stories have captured the imagination of the world and she is the wealthiest and perhaps the most successful author of all time—all because she didn’t let a lack of money, divorce, or the doubts of others get in the way of pursuing her dream. “If you don’t give up, you simply cannot fail,” notes Kersey. In short, you become unstoppable!

Photo copyright of Dreamstime

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Your Creative Bucket List



Did you see the movie “The Bucket List” with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman? The movie wasn’t much, but the concept is great: What things do you really, truly want to do before you kick the bucket?

Well, my friend Amy just introduced me to the concept of a quilting bucket list! What are those quilts you absolutely, positively can’t die without doing first!? It’s kind of a wish list, Amy says. “Techniques, styles you've always been meaning to do, or an extra special project. My friends and I bring our list to shows and meetings so we can add to it as we see new things that just need to be on the list. It’s a great way to prioritize all those things we want to do and put some structure around it.” She’s starting a notebook of motivation, containing pictures of quilts and projects she likes. “It’s kind of cool and surprising how things seem when you commit them to writing.”

Makes you think, huh—and dig through your fabric and pattern stash for those lost projects!

If you’re not a quilter, well then broaden the concept to creativity in general. What creative projects do you want to pursue? What pieces of yourself do you want to leave behind…a scrapbook, a collage, a knitted sweater or scarf, an embroidered wall-hanging, a painting, a poem.

Now that we've rounded the corner of a new year (and, woo hoo, a new decade after a lousy, lousy one), what projects are you going to put on the top of your to-do list and resolve to finish this year?!


Cloud photo by Woo Bing Siew, Dreamstime

Friday, January 1, 2010

A sucky decade, but some good movies


The past decade may have sucked, but the movies didn't. My friend Connie challenged me today to make a list of my top 10 movies of the 2000s. Wow! Who can even remember that far back? But I Googled some other lists and films and here are my picks in no particular order. (By the way, if you haven’t seen It’s Complicated, you’ve gotta—especially if you’re middle-aged. It’s HILARIOUS!)

1. Almost Famous. Kate Hudson’s debut in a Cameron Crowe film about rock and roll—the bands, the groupies, the journalists, the fans. It was touching, it was funny, and it was evocative of an earlier, more innocent era.

2. Wonder Boys. Fantastic, funny, inventive adaptation of the equally great Michael Chabon book about a disheveled author, Michael Douglas, with major writer’s block and big life problems.

3. The Bourne Identity. Incredible action and Matt Damon is great as the amnesiac-assassin. In a word: Tense.

4. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I could watch this one all day. Not only does it have Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as warring spouses (and they are hot, hot, hot together!), but the action scenes are fantastic (directed by the same guy who did The Bourne Identity) and it’s funny.

5. Lord of the Rings. I have to mention this one for the spectacle and Viggo Mortensen!

6. Lost in Translation. Bill Murray as a disaffected movie star connecting with a young woman, Scarlett Johansen, in Tokyo. Funny, touching, stays with you.

7. The Royal Tannenbaums. Wes Anderson’s quirky comedy about a strange but loving family. This was on TV last night and it’s still fun to watch. The pacing and dialogue are so unique. Angelica Huston, Gene Hackman, Luke Wilson, Gwyneth Paltrow, etc.

8. Wall-E: In a decade filled with great animated films (Ice Age, Bolt, Shrek, Up) this one stood out for me. Maybe it was the tune from Hello Dolly! in the beginning of the film…

9. Little Miss Sunshine. I’m partial to comedies, so I loved this bizarro film about a dysfunctional family that gets behind their little beauty queen. Greg Kinear, Toni Collette, Alan Arkin (who won an Oscar).

10. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. This film is SO imaginative and engaging, and so are the performances by Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey. Imagine if we really could erase a broken heart…

Honorable Mentions
1. Memento: For the backwards plot.
2. Gladiator: For the spectacle and Joaquin Phoenix's crazy emperor.
3. Pan’s Labryinth: Disturbing, fascinating, fantastical.
4. Traffic: A great ensemble film, serious subject, interesting filmmaking.
5. 21 Grams A trio of performances--by Sean Penn, Benicio Del Toro, and Naomi Watts--make this film about a freak accident and intersecting lives a stunner.
6. 500 Days of Summer: A surprising and touching twist on the romantic comedy genre.
7. Up in the Air. My new favorite (I’ve seen it twice already) for George Clooney’s performance as an unattached man who travels over 200 days year firing people. His life gets upended by two women in this dark comedy: One, a fellow traveler who is truly his equal; the other, a young naïve woman who thinks she knows his business better than he does.
8. It’s Complicated. My other new favorite with Meryl Streep as a middle-aged divorcee whose ex-husband comes back for me. As I said up top, it’s hilarious!
9. Something’s Gotta Give. Fun, surprising comedy with Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson, plus a gorgeous Hampton’s home facing the beach.
10. The Hours. Lovely, affecting performances by Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman, etc.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Middle-Aged Movie Maven



As we close in on the holidays, it’s likely many of you will be hitting the cineplex for entertainment. Luckily, the prospects are pretty good. Here are my two cents on the movies that have opened so far this season…

Up in the Air. This is THE movie to see this year. Not only does it have George Clooney, charming despite playing a morally repugnant character who fires people for a living, but it resonates with the country’s current financial straits and the isolation we can feel in our lives. It is pitch perfect from start to finish. The characters have chemistry and the dialogue is funny, surprising and touching. It's the best movie I’ve seen since last summer’s 500Days of Summer!

The Blind Side. A feel-good movie in the best tradition—and it’s based on a true story of a white family that took in a homeless, 6-foot plus black teenager with a sweet nature. It’s touching and engrossing. Sandra Bullock pulls off the role of a blonde Southern belle with nerves of steel. Country singer Tim McGraw does a fine job as her husband and the boy who plays their son steals the show with his antics. A definite yes (and suitable for the whole family).

Everybody’s Fine. I didn’t hate this movie as much as some reviewers; in fact, I might even venture to say I enjoyed it! It's a small, quiet film, but I thought it made some salient points about the relationship between fathers and their children and it was well-acted by Robert DeNiro, Drew Barrymore and others.

Avatar. You’ve gotta shell out the extra bucks to see this movie in 3-D because it transports you to a different world! The effects are amazing, the story is engrossing enough, and it even has a message (about community and about preserving the environment). Personally, I think it is about an hour too long (and you’ve seen the battle in the last third many times before if you’re a sci fi fan), but enjoyable for young and old.

Did You Hear About the Morgans? The reviews were horrible for this film--and well-deserved. Being the good sport and movie nut that I am, I went to see it anyway. Sarah Jessica Parker is miscast, too serious, and looks homely (WHO convinced her to go with bangs?). Hugh Grant gamely tries to carry the movie with his usual wit and charm, but isn’t given enough to do. The end result: the movie is predictable and unfunny.

On my Christmas list:
• It’s Complicated with Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. This one has been called “middle-aged lady porn” for its story of a tossed-aside spouse whose cheating ex-husband comes back to woo her.
• Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey, Jr., Jude Law, and Rachel McAdams. Love ‘em all and this film looks like fun.
• Young Victoria with Emily Blunt as the English queen of yore.
• A Single Man with Colin Firth, in what sounds like a breakthrough role as a gay man who loses his partner and his will to live.
• Crazy Heart with Jeff Bridges, as a torn-up, run-down country singer.
• Nine with Daniel Day-Lewis and a host of women. I saw the show and it wasn’t much to write home about, but I’ll see this anyway for the musical interludes. The Penelope Cruise number was a showstopper when Jane Krakowski (of 30 Rock fame) did it on Broadway.
• The Lovely Bones and The Road…both sad stories. I'm on the fence about these two because of their content. I hate how the movie industry releases these "serious movies" in the dead of winter, as if we're not depressed enough already!

Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Feeling Like a Fraud


I just read Andre Agassi’s book “Open.” I’m a big tennis fan—I was at the US Open the day he retired and had the honor of giving him a 5-minute standing ovation as he said goodbye—and I found the book fascinating. Not so much for the tennis dirt, but more for his honesty. He says that he was forced to play tennis from a young age, subject to a well-meaning but abusive father who de-valued education and elevated tennis as the only way for him to succeed. Agassi never graduated from high school and was stuck in a career he hated because he thought it was all he could do. He had amazing talent but he says over and over again that he hated tennis. It was a lonely, scary, physically painful life.

As a result, he had a very up and down career. What was most interesting to me, though, was that his youthful rebellions—long hair, crazy loud clothes, and bad-boy style—were interpreted by the media as his personality. He says he didn’t know who he was. He certainly wasn’t this rebel everyone thought he was. Actually, he was towing the line he was told to by his father and coaches. He was wearing a hairpiece because he thought he’d be ostracized if fans and his sponsors knew he was prematurely bald. He even married actress Brooke Shields, not because he really wanted to, but because he thought it was what he was supposed to do. He was numb to his own life.

I was struck by how miserable and self-destructive he was when he seemingly had so much. Around age 30, he really screwed up by using drugs. That's when he got a second chance at tennis and out of his marriage to Shields. That’s when he committed to his career, he committed to building a school for disadvantaged kids in Las Vegas, and he committed to a real relationship with a woman he was suited to (tennis star Steffi Graf).

At first, I wondered why Agassi would admit to using crystal meth or not having a good marriage to Brooke Shields. But having read the book, I see he was on a mission to be real and authentic by telling all. The book is a cautionary tale about being too afraid to go for what you want, and about the damage that living life as a fraud can do to you.

Wow. How brave. I respect him even more.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Martha and Me's simple handmade gifts

I've been following a blog called "Martha and Me," a writer's paean to all things Martha Stewart. She's tried the techniques, she's tested the recipes, and she reports it all on her blog.

I like Martha Stewart well enough (although I'm SURE I was saying "it's a good thing" before she was, not to mention "yadda, yadda, yadda" before Seinfeld), but I find her stuff, well, INTIMIDATING to attempt. And I'm a crafter from way back when. That's why I love Martha and Me's post on simple handmade gift ideas a la Martha S that even, as writer Brette Sember says, "the most craft-impaired person can make."

Check it out at http://marthaandme.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/merry-martha-handmade-gift-list/.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Pushing Past Limiting Fears


I spent this weekend with my quilting friends in Vermont pushing back at "my gremlins," as master quilter Susan Damone Balch put it! As luck would have it, waiting in my in-box for posting on Craft to Heal was the wonderful essay below from fiber artist Brecia Kralovic-Logan. It seems that no matter what the creative endeavor, we all struggle with our fears, our limiting beliefs, our self-sabotaging thoughts.

Creative Knitting Pushing Past Limiting Fears
Nine knitters gathered at Anacapa Fine Yarns in Ventura to take my Creative Knitting workshop. As they introduced themselves they shared their excitement at being in a class that supported “out of the box” thinking. Some felt a little nervous, anticipating leaving their comfort zone, but hopeful that they too would be able to knit an original garment with the organic look of the sample that had enticed them.

The whole morning was spent doing exercises to explore their passions, to awaken their intuitive wisdom and to connect them with their natural authentic knowing. By lunch they were ready to think about knitting in a way that they had never done before.

Those knitters did in fact spend the rest of the day exploring and discovering ways to create original knits. But I’d like to tell you about another knitter, who did not take the workshop. She slowly slipped into the classroom at midday and shyly shared that she had absolutely fallen in love with the sweater that I had on display in the store as a sample for the class.

“I didn’t take the class because it seemed too scary,” she said. “I would like to know how to knit like that but I didn’t think I could do it.”

As she moved about the room, the class participants each assured her that she would be able to work in this new way. They shared their own fears with her and told her how liberated they felt by tapping into their inner creative spirit. They suggested that she come to the next workshop and as she left her body language seemed to convey that she had let go of her conviction that this was impossible. Hopefully, she realized that she was not alone in feeling afraid of stretching past her comfort zone.

Having the opportunity to share their thoughts with the visitor, the class seemed to exude new confidence. In their comments at the end of the day they shared that the class loosened them up, liberated them, gave them confidence, and expanded their horizons. Each one of them had taken a risk and entered into unknown territory. Although they already had the knitting skills they needed, feeling supported to work in a way that helped them to develop a creative frame of mind was a powerful experience.

Yes, being creative does involve risk. Taking a class to learn something new can be intimidating. However, pushing past the thoughts and beliefs that keep us in our comfort zone can be exhilarating. Taking the skills we have and using them in new ways is one way to express our unique individual spirit.
I just love this quote from Tom Robbins:

“Our individuality is all, all that we have. There are those who would barter
it for security, but blessed in the twinkle of the morning star is the one who nurtures and rides it, in grace and love and wit.”


Brecia Kralovic-Logan is a fiber artist in Santa Barbara, CA where she teaches workshops, writes and offers Creativity Coaching. Visit her web site at www.pebbleinthepondartstudio.com.