Middle-Aged Movie Maven

I go to the movies. A lot. It’s one of the forms of creativity (and therapy!) I most enjoy.

And I’m convinced no one sets out to make a bad movie. They just happen.

They’re there at the multiplex, and I’ve sat through more than my fair share of them. So you might as well benefit from my inability to resist the cinema.

Here, hits and (mostly) misses on the fall schedule:
1. Capitalism: A Love Story. Not Michael Moore’s best. I’m a liberal and I found this movie tiresome. As always, he makes some good points, but we’ve been so inundated with the financial mess that it’s old news. He’s uncovered some great footage of FDR speaking to the nation and some shocking standard practices—like major companies that take out life insurance policies on their employees and cash in when people die. But for the first time, I questioned some of Moore’s facts and his stunts. It was a little dull, to tell you the truth.

2. Couples Resort. HORRIBLE. I thought this was a comedy, but it’s just NOT FUNNY. Never see a Vince Vaughn movie again. He has as bad taste in movies as Jennifer Aniston. Yes, he was funny in Wedding Crashers and Swingers, but he seems to have lost his mojo. This movie isn’t a comedy; it’s more like a Lifetime movie with a couple of laughs. (And yet it’s number 1 at the box office. Go figure.)

3. The Invention of Lying. Sorry, I just don’t find Ricky Gervais’s deadpan humor funny. This movie is interesting and Jennifer Garner is adorable. I even like Gervais’s character. I just didn’t like the movie.

4. The Informant. Matt Damon is awesome as a chunky corporate spy, but the movie slogs along at a snail’s pace. Another wasted opportunity. It looks like a comedy from the previews, and yet…

5. All About Steve. The cast almost makes this movie: Sandra Bullock, Bradley Cooper, and Thomas Haden-Church are good actors and play well together. The plot is just too preposterous, though, and the characters too broadly drawn (Bullock plays an intellectual misfit with a penchant for loud outfits). And what starts out as a wacky comedy turns serious halfway through. But see The Proposal with Bullock and Ryan Reynolds instead (a real romantic comedy, just out on DVD) and The Hangover with Bradley Cooper (very raunchy but TRULY hilarious, especially the picture show at the end!).

6. Extract. Ugh, why are they giving Jason Bateman such terrible parts? He can be so adorable, so funny. But not here. He just whines a lot (he plays a similar role in Couples Resort). This one-note comedy even wastes Saturday Night Live’s Kristin Wig as Bateman’s wife.

But all is not lost. I actually have liked a few movies lately…
1. 500 Days of Summer. Quirky, clever and unexpectedly charming.
2. Julie and Julia. As you may have heard, the Julie portions of the movie are throwaways we could have done without, but Meryl Streep’s Julia is priceless. Not to be missed, along with Stanley Tucci as her husband and Jane Lynch as her gangly sister.
3. District 9. A sci-fi movie (about aliens living on earth) with a message.

As always, too, I’m hopeful the holidays will bring some better movies! I'll keep you posted.

Photo copyright of Melinda Nagy/Dreamstime.com

Frugal Kiwi!

I discovered a new website recently: Frugal Kiwi (http://frugalkiwi.co.nz/). This woman from New Zealand is BRILLIANT at finding inexpensive ways to do everything from cooking to cleaning and gardening.

This week, she gets crafty and makes felted soap (soap covered with wool felt). It's pretty, and it allows you to use the soap down to the last sliver. Then she says you can use the felt for a broach or pouch.

Great Christmas gift, great activity to do with kids and others--and nontoxic (no messy chemicals or safety goggles required!).

Check it out!

Burst the bubble!

Another week, another book. I know my posts haven't been about creativity and healing lately, but rather social and psychological topics. It's kind of hard to ignore those subjects in today's world. And we'll need all the creativity we can muster to get out of this mess, so bear with me!

Anyway, this week's post:

Any of you read Barbara Ehrenreich’s book Nickel and Dimed, a book that spotlights the working poor, people who work long, hard days as maids or waitresses or for Walmart, and yet can’t make a decent living? She took on poverty-wage jobs to see how these people live. It is a real eye opener, leaving you with a sense of compassion and indignation that’s hard to shake.

Her latest book, Bright-sided, explores the positive-thinking movement in America that she claims ruined the economy and set the stage for last year’s financial and real estate collapses. For a while there, it seemed you couldn’t get anywhere in America unless you were a positive thinker. But when you’re only looking on the bright side, she says, you don’t see the danger ahead. You live in a type of denial. (And people who tried to point out problems in the system were typically shunned as whiners and complainers, and even fired. That guy who tried to warn the SEC about Bernie Madoff’s tricks comes to mind.).

What’s more, she says, positive thinking has created a “winner takes all” mentality in America. If we refuse to see social inequality, we don’t have empathy for other people who aren’t doing as well as we are. We think that if they just tried harder, they too could grab the brass ring. But that’s too simplistic…some people just can’t get a break, and most of us do, at one time or another, lead Thoreau’s lives of “quiet desperation.”

Life is suffering. All the religions say it. It’s the human condition.

(As an aside: Buddhists say that we suffer because we want what we don’t have, and we don’t want what we do have. So the key to happiness is accepting right where you are and what you have right now.)

I’m all for Ehrenreich’s call for a return to realism and a sharing of the wealth--and the health insurance. Our finances are already demanding it, and socially, we need to move toward a more encompassing society, one that doesn’t segregate the few who are well-to-do from the many more who are poor and struggling. We’re all in this together.

Check out Ehrenreich’s website at http://www.barbaraehrenreich.com/ and her blog at http://ehrenreich.blogs.com/, where she talks about working in America.

The Gloomy Economy--and the Lessons We've Learned

“Our life is frittered away by detail…simplify, simplify.”
--Henry David Thoreau

The past two years have been tough psychologically and financially for a lot of people, especially those who’ve lost their jobs, their homes or their retirement savings. As the recession begins to fade, it’s important for us not to forget the lessons we’ve learned from the gloomy economy. Yes, the stress of worrying about our finances has been nothing to sneer at, but if we’re truthful, we realize that cutting back on our spending has probably helped us get rid of some habits that were taking a toll on our bodies and our psyches. In fact, the financial downturn may have offered the opportunity to refocus on good health habits, such as eating right, exercising more, sleeping better and enjoying friends and family. By shopping less, we’ve been given the chance to revel in experiences, the true key to happiness.

“Most Americans already have pretty much what they need, so they don’t need to buy more,” says Judith Levine, author of Not Buying It (Free Press), an account of a year-long experiment in which she and her partner Paul bought only necessary items such as groceries. The couple found that most discretionary purchases are impulsive—and that typically, if they waited a few minutes or hours, the impulse passed. They also came to realize that we buy largely for social reasons—to stay in step with our peers and neighbors and gain status. But now that the Jones’ don’t have what they used to, the rest of us don’t have to work as hard to keep up with them!

More to Life Than Shopping
It’s hard to deny that shopping can be a pleasurable pastime, but before the downturn most Americans had spent the last few years numbing themselves into a false sense of security by buying and filling their homes with stuff. We had a gadget for everything, a toy for everyone, a fast car, a big house, the latest smartphone and the coolest video system—and pressure to have more and more. Since it’s unlikely we’ll return in the near future to our loose and fast ways with money and materialism, here are some fresh ideas on how to save money in your everyday life so you can focus on what really matters: Your family and friends.

If you:
…can’t afford to go out to eat, cook at home and make meal preparation a family affair, which will bring you closer. When you do go to restaurants, share appetizers and entrees—a good move for your wallet and your waistline.
…can’t afford expensive gifts, make a deal with family and friends to give less-expensive gifts or even regift for a while. Hold a jewelry or clothing exchange, where you and your friends trade gently used items. Alternatively, you might swap time and services—offer to babysit, for instance, or to spend time together playing board games.
…can’t afford to buy the trendiest clothes or bags, make them yourself (I'm all about the crafty!). Hobbies and crafts have many psychological benefits, from distracting you from everyday worries to helping you relax, boosting your mood and giving you a sense of achievement. Being creative may even confer anti-aging benefits, according to research conducted at George Washington University.
…can’t afford gas, walk, bike or take public transportation. You’ll save money and get more daily exercise.
…can’t afford the gym, go for a walk or bike ride instead. Or invite friends over to do yoga or Pilates—using a tape or TV show to guide you—instead of taking a class.
…can’t afford movies, shows or your cable bill, borrow movies, CDs and books from the library instead of buying or renting them, usher at shows and look for low-cost entertainment at museums, bookstores, churches and other venues. Also spend your TV-less time going back to basics: reading, listening to music, exercising, volunteering, pursuing hobbies or just talking with family and friends.

Any other suggestions, folks?!

Lose Your Illusions

I recently read the Geography of Bliss by NPR journalist Eric Weiner, a fascinating travelogue highlighting some of the happiest and unhappiest cultures around the world (www.ericweinerbooks.com) , and A Brief History of Anxiety [Yours and Mine] by Patricia Pearson, a look at the rise of anxiety in the US and elsewhere (www.pearsonspost.com). Here are two key things I learned about being happy and healthy:

Embrace experimentation. According to Weiner, the people of Iceland are among the happiest in the world. The key reasons: It’s a homogenous society, so there’s little racial or ethnic conflict, and it’s a socialist country, so their basic needs are met (universal health care anyone?). Most tellingly, in Iceland, people are allowed to try things and actually fail at them. They don’t have to be huge successes to feel good about themselves. (Icelanders also drink a lot, Weiner says, and that helps to better accept failures and keep them warm during the cold, dark winters!)

Lose your illusion of being in control. Many people living in poor cultures are happier and less anxious than Americans because they don’t expect success. They actually expect life to be hard. Pearson writes…“The other day my Mexican-born psychiatrist offered me his opinion that what drives anxiety in the Western world is the coveted illusion that we can be in control. Latin Americans, he argued, are bracingly accustomed to injustice and to toil and have no ‘fantasy’ that fate is in their hands.” They just accept hurricanes and other misfortunes as an inevitable part of life, and work to have the pleasure and freedom of spending time with their friends and family. To a great extent, we here in American believe we can mold our lives down to the very last detail and when that doesn't happen, we get stressed-out and anxious.

Pearson argues that we should stop looking for reasons for why things happen to us and just accept the “cruel randomness of fate.”

Harsh words or sound advice? I fall in the latter camp (divorce will teach you that). How about you?

Next on my reading list: Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You by psychologist Sam Gosling, PhD.

Aha!

I was just reading about misunderstood personality types in the September/October issue of Psychology Today Magazine (http://www.psychologytoday.com/) and had an "aha" moment. On personality tests I typically score as an extrovert, but I could SWEAR I’m really more introverted. In fact, I usually refer to myself as an “extroverted introvert.” When I mention this to friends, they laugh out loud. I know, I know…I SEEM outgoing when I’m with people, but I’m really kind of a loner. How else could I have survived 20 years as a freelance writer holed up in my home office????

Anyway, I just read that there are “bubbly introverts” out there, people who love socializing but actually crave alone time just as much. "Having good social skills isn’t the same thing as wanting to be around people all the time,” writes Jay Dixit in the piece (a sidebar on page 71 if you're looking!). Don’t get me wrong—I love my friends, I love parties, I love socializing. But in limited doses. Then it's back to my books and movies! I feel so validated!

Other misunderstood types:

“Shy extroverts,” people who love being around others but are shy and may come across as cold, aloof, or stuck up.

"Accidental flirts,” people who are so naturally flirtatious that others may think they’re coming on to them when they really just mean to be friendly. (I love to flirt!)

"Effeminate heterosexuals,” those metrosexuals who come off a little feminine but are very straight.

Any other misunderstood types out there?

It's just life

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about how much I love Jonathan Tropper's books. Here's a snippet that shows why from How to Talk to A Widower:

“It’s life, that’s all. There are no happy endings, just happy days, happy moments. The only real ending is death, and trust me, no one dies happy. And the price of not dying is that things change all the time, and the only thing you can count on is that there’s not a thing you can do about it.”